Ramen Packets
by Inu Kaiba
Summary: Collection of oneshots. KakaxSasu. KakaxIru
1. It Only Matters to the Intolerant

Inu Kaiba: A new anime, yes that's right me the InuYasha freak got pulled into Naruto. It's similar to InuYasha and yes the most charming characters are Hatake Kakashi and Uchicha Sasuke… I've been taken over by this anime so I thought I should just make a collection of ONE-SHOTS. Have a hard time finishing other stuff. Hmm… Let's start this out with a KakaSasu…

Summary: In which I take the Naruto characters and change their settings, preferences, feelings and much, much more as I see fit. Collection of one-shots. (Subject to change when posted)

Warning to the wise: You shalt be hit with the big fat yaoi stick.

It Only Matters to the Intolerant

It all started at the Ichiraku Ramen house.

Team 7 had all made the instinctive decision to follow Naruto to his favourite sanctuary after a long frustrating day in which Naruto had made every mistake possible, Sakura had taken every opportunity to eye up Sasuke without his knowing and Sasuke had taken every opportunity to bitch at the two just like a woman would.

To Naruto's surprise, when he sat down they sat down with him. "Uh… Is it just me or are you guys on crack?"

"It's just you dobe." Sasuke replied briskly.

"What makes you think that Naruto?" Sakura questioned.

"Well usually you guys wouldn't be caught dead here, and most certainly never with me. Why the sudden change of heart and why now?"

"'Cause we felt like it dobe." Sasuke piped up.

"Would you stop calling me that!" Naruto screamed in his face. "Eh! How 'bout we give you a proper name something like… Stuck-up bitch."

"Are you implying I'm a woman!" Sasuke practically shrieked, eyes widening and slowly narrowing raising a shaking face as the angry vein popped out of his forehead like it does with all anime characters.

A loud sound was heard throughout the small ramen bar, similar to the sound of fist meeting head.

Shortly after the incident which left Naruto with a bump on his head that hurt like hell and wouldn't go away, Hatake Kakashi arrived at the Ichiraku Ramen house. Wasting no time, he slapped his hand on top of Sasuke's shoulder, earning a look much like the one Naruto had seen earlier and if it weren't for the fact that Kakashi was their superior, he would most likely be sporting a bump like Naruto's.

"Kakashi-sensei, what are you doing here?" Sakura asked trying to draw Kakashi's attention away from Sasuke so that he could calm down. Besides, he had one of those looks that made you wonder if he was about to shit his pants. But was it from anger or surprise… or was something going on between the two?

"farm… so I finished and came down here to get ramen and met you guys. Freaky coincidence, 'ey?"

"Sure is…" Sasuke muttered to himself, tapping his fingers on the counter out of impatience.

"Hey!" Kakashi squeaked, grabbing Sasuke's hand and pulling it off the counter. "Look at your nails… Tsk, tsk, tsk! You're gonna ruin those cuticles and the perfect shaped nails… you might crack them! My god Sasuke, can't you take better care of your fingernails?"

"Okay, is it just me or is Kakashi female?"

"I second the motion." Sakura said shaking her head. "Only a woman could say something like that…"

"…Or a crossdresser." Naruto finished.

"Stop talking about me as if I'm not here, you can't tell me you don't hate it when people talk about you like that!" Kakashi snapped.

"Jesus what the fuck are you on?" Naruto snapped back, equally frustrated but not at all in the baby like tone Kakashi has been speaking in. "'Cause it sure as fuckin' hell ain't normal."

"Mind your language Naruto." Kakashi stated, his visible eye half closed as he sipped the tea the kind waitress poured for him.

"He's been around Sasuke too much."

"No…" Sakura replied. "I think maybe it's the fact that he's er tasted Sasuke?"

At that moment another sound similar to fist hitting head but was really body hitting floor was heard throughout the Ichiraku Ramen house. "Can he go a day without injury." Sakura asked herself, a big sweat drop appearing much like it would for any other anime character.

What with Naruto's injury and his hot steaming ramen laying there it only seemed natural Kakashi and Sasuke would take advantage of the situation, after Sakura left dragging Naruto behind her. A loud sound that most likely could be heard from miles around, came from Naruto's bruised head smacking against all the rocks on the ground and bouncing up and down on the road as Sakura dragged him behind her by the legs anxious to get him home and head home herself having missed the chance to eat her ramen now that she was stuck taking Naruto home.

At the moment the sound became low enough that it could be talked over, both Kakashi and Sasuke dived for the bowl of Ramen, each only managing to grasp it by the rim. "Mine!" Sasuke stated and pulled the rim of the bowl which was in his grip over to his side. "Mine." Kakashi responded tugging it over to his side.

"Do I have to use the sharingan on you? It's mine dammit!"

"Lame trick." Kakashi said and smirked. "I can do it too watch."

The two focused their sharingan technique at the other and locked into an intense stare, only moving to tug the ramen bowl to their side. Finally the poor bowl couldn't take it and snapped from the pressure being put on it.

At this, the poor owner of the Ichiraku Ramen house gave up on the two whose incessant bickering would remind anyone of a married couple. Raising his foot, and then his leg in the air behind him he swung it around so fast that Sasuke didn't see it coming and he fell onto Kakashi who tumbled over with Sasuke on the top, and kept right on tumbling until they landed in a tangled mess of limbs in front of the restaurant.

"And stay out!" came the owner's angry voice behind him.

"It's your fault you know." Kakashi pointed out, somehow having untangled himself from the pile and beginning his long walk up the dirt road to his home.

"You started it." Sasuke snapped back, much preferring the thought of snapping Kakashi's head off than listening to his whimsical nonsense. "You and all your stupid womanly nonsense.."

"I could say the same for you Sasuke-kun."

"You're a pervert you know."

"And you just like sleeping with me."

"Do not."

"If you didn't, you would have run away like any straight man would."

"Well, I don't happen to like my homosexuality being brought up thank you very much."

"Well if you don't like the term gay, I suppose we could say we're straight. You act enough like a woman to pass; you just need to look like one. It'd be perfect. You just need breasts." Kakashi concluded.

"And of course we'd need surgery. You can't pass for a woman if someone kicked you in the balls and you went down crying. And then we'd be straight. But face the facts Sasuke. We're damn well gay, the two of us and we're gonna make gay love and to hell with what the others think and..." he added.

"Just shut it okay?" Sasuke pointed out clapping his hand over Kakashi's mouth. "You're not making sense anymore, so shut up, you're sounding like me."

"Well you know I could just bite your hand and you'd pull it away and I could keep right at it." came Kakashi's voice from behind Sasuke's forceful hand.

"Than how about I shut you up like this…" he said, standing on his tippy toes and kissing Kakashi full on the lips.

They'd somehow managed to walk right into an alley in the heat of their discussion and not noticed it, but Kakashi liked the feeling of having to lean against the bricks of the building.

However kissing his perverted sensei had not been one of Sasuke's smarter moves and it certainly showed when Kakashi tried to go further by making a grope for Sasuke's ass.

A loud slap rang out and Sasuke stalked off like the bitch woman he acted like.

"You know this is exactly like a scene in this anime I saw once..."

"They made an anime out of Come Come Paradise?" Sasuke asked turning around and placing a hand on his hip.

"No it was about a girl who fell down a well on her fifteenth birthday and met a…"

And with that Kakashi happily obliged in telling the story of the anime which had no doubt saved his sex life. Especially since it was distracting Sasuke enough to allow Kakashi to steer him in the direction of his apartment… And you don't want to know what he planned to do when they got there.

_Fin…_ Because anymore and it would sound dirtier.

Inu Kaiba: Read and review. I need help figuring out what the next one'll be on maybe KakashixIruka…


	2. Chewing Gum

Inu Kaiba: Chewing gum is really gross, chewing gum I hate the most. Yes, I'm making a strange little ficlet out of it x.X Dinnae ask… Oh by the way, the title is very, very original. And today's pairing is KakaIru. Please ignore the extreme short crappiness of it. Hehe

xxxx

Chewing Gum

xxxx

It was your average day in Konoha village.

Sakura was eyeing up Sasuke, Sasuke was **trying **to train, and Naruto was bugging the shit out of everyone else, who in turn tuned him out.

But where was Kakashi, the well known leader of this strange bunch formally entitled Team 7?

Why he was sitting up in a tree reading his usual novel, stamped with the words: Adult book 18 and up, on the front in big bold letters.

So why was today different from any other day? Simple, Kakashi was chewing gum.

So now you all go big whoop that's different. But that difference made a big difference in someone else's eyes and certainly changed the eyes of quite a few people in Konoha.

xxxx

Well, I should say it was your average day until **HE **showed up.

Oh yes, all of that everyday stuff was still going on.

In the background, Kakashi heard Naruto's usual antics going on and he knew what was happening. And yes, when the sound of hand meeting face or rather when Naruto was slapped was normal. And actually it was predictable. Except for the fact that it was Sasuke who hit him. And a sparring match broke out as usual.

All was going as usual until Iruka walked by with his class. Kakashi could have sworn on his piles and piles of porn that he did a double take. It wasn't as if gum was unusual, just ninjas were instructed to brush their teeth, and gum and all those sugary things that helped your breath smell nice made it impossible for ninjas to sneak around.

So it wasn't sold in and of the Hidden Nin villages, and people were to instruct their children on how it could be their death, even if it tastes good.

Yep, candy was an evil son of a bitch. At least to the ninjas. And, yes, they didn't eat candy at Easter either. It was far to evil to give it to them for even a special occasion.

However, Kakashi was evil and disobeyed almost any rule he could get his hands on.

Besides, a stick of gum wouldn't kill him. He was a really, really powerful jounin. No, that didn't give him the right to do whatever the hell he wanted. But he certainly had the right to eat candy and watch porn as he saw fit.

"How long does this damned gum last is my question…" Kakashi muttered to himself.

xxxx

For Sasuke, training ended all too soon.

For Naruto, training ended much too late especially since Sasuke had given him an ass kicking today. "It's like he has his period… if he had one…" In two seconds flat he was lying on the ground with a footprint on his face. "Correction, woman in disguise." He said and groaned, peeling himself up off the floor and rushing off to the Ichiraku Ramen House.

As usual, Kakashi grabbed anything left behind because someone always tended to drop something and headed for home.

He hadn't expected to run into him. But he did. He hadn't expected HIM to do such a thing. But he did it and that was that.

"What the hell are you eating?" Iruka said. "If you keep eating you're going to get fat! Ninjas don't get fat, except Choji but dammit Kakashi not you."

"It's just gum Iruka, see…?" In response, he blew a bubble then popped it and kept chewing.

"What kind of exampled are you to kids? We're supposed to be teaching them that candy is evil and um… stuff."

"Seriously Iruka what is with you, you're like so stuck up. Chill out man, you don't need to be so tight and stuff."

"Shut up Kakashi you can't go around like that just… chewing… gum…"

For once in his life Iruka did a daring thing. There are just some things that come over people and they never understand why they do it, like what Iruka had just decided to do. He leaned in and kissed Kakashi, and of course since Kakashi was chewing gum. His mouth was open and Iruka got a nice taste when he slid his tongue in.

So what did Kakashi do? Well first he pulled away. And then…

"I'll never look at straight porn again…" he told Iruka before spitting the gum out on the floor. "You taste sweeter without the gum…" And if he ever thought candy was sweet, Iruka was ten times that.

Fin.

Inu Kaiba: Terribly horrible at fluff. I hope I get reviews.


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